Tag Archives: #FindingGod

More than anything, I want them to see You

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merry go roundI am less than a week from turning 40. The BIG 4-0. And I am surprisingly ok with it all.

I wasn’t really dreading 40, I feel better about who I am and where I am, than I probably ever have. 40 isn’t something to fear or dread. It is just another year right?! And I am surrounded by some of the best family and friends a girl can have, so I am really just overwhelmed with blessings.

I have spent more years than I can count, and really that I would like to admit, worrying about trying to be the perfect person.

As far back as I can remember, I wanted what I didn’t have. I wanted the Strawberry Shortcake dolls that the girl down the street had, or the cute red Esprit jeans with the white hearts on them. (Oh how I coveted those pants and don’t even get me started on the matching heart sweater!!) Maybe it was the name brand jeans or a place on the cheerleading squad…there was always something missing.

I found myself wanting, lacking, and it wasn’t a place that I wanted to be.

So I studied hard so I would be the smart one and do something amazing with my life. Then I went off to college and couldn’t hack the career that I was certain was for me. And once again I knew that when someone looked at me, they just saw someone who was lacking.

For a perfectionist like myself, this is a terrible place to be. Because when you looked at me I wanted you to see beauty and grace and maybe the least bit of fashion sense.

But I was certain that what you saw was the opposite.

Have you ever found yourself there, on the merry-go-round of striving to be something, someone better than you feel you are? (<====Click To Tweet)

And yet it seems that no matter how hard you try, you come up short.

The past few years have been growing ones for me.

Yes I may have added a few pounds towards my waistline, ahem 😉 that comes with the aging I am told but I am not talking about that today. No, even more than that I am discovering who I am. What I love and where my passions are. I have reconnected with my love of writing and that alone has brought me so many gifts.

This refinement process hasn’t always been easy either. Dominic and I are learning how to work well with one another in our business, as we also try to manage a reasonable balance between work and home life. We have big kids, and middle kids and little kids…and raising them isn’t always a cake walk.

I yell too much, and get frustrated about little messes. I often forget to take time to count my blessings.

But despite all of that, all of my shortcomings, I am filled with the overwhelming peace that God will use it all for His glory. (<====Click to Tweet)

I have seen Him do it in my life already. How He took all the messy and the ugly parts of me and healed them and then gave me a story to share. He gave me a heart for others, for loving them and sharing the hope that is found in Him.

I don’t head into the Big 4-0 wanting you to see me and how put together I am or what a wonderful wife and mother I am.

More than anything, I hope that when you look at me you see Him.

You see a woman who loves Jesus. A woman who is admittedly a hot mess most days, but even on the worst of them can see the potential for God to use it for good.

Yes Lord, it is my prayer for year 40 and beyond…as long as you have planned for me here, that when people see me, they see You in me. Fashion or no, good hair days and bad, muffin tops and veiny legs….none of it perfect Lord, but through You I have the faith that I will be perfected for Your glory.

And that is all that matters.

Photo Credit: Great Beyond

2014 – A Review

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Battle Lake Sunset 2Our family just spent a week up in a “cabin”…which in this case is code for very large home on a lake with its own theatre room which was ridiculous…except for a few of the bathrooms that only provided cold showers, we were surrounded in luxury. It was nice to get away from the “normal” and spend time with my extended family.

My dad commented that most years we get about 4 hours together at Christmas, and this year we had several days. It was a treat and a blessing that God provided for us. Yes, God has really provided for us this year. It hasn’t come without hard work, long hours and sacrifices…but He has been good.

I have been thinking a lot about the past year and what I thought 2014 was going to bring. In some ways I can’t believe that it is over and in others 2015 can’t come fast enough.

One of the biggest and continued blessings of 2014 has been the community of women that God has surrounded me with. Women that support and encourage me. Women that pray over me and love without judgement. These women in my tribe are the greatest gift I could have ever received this year. While community wasn’t what I was seeking when I started this God-sized Dream journey 2 years ago, it has been better than I could have hoped or imagined.

At the beginning of 2014, with wobbly and knocking knees, I shared my hopes to be called to the platform and speak. It terrifies me even still because even thinking about it makes me want to throw up a little, but still it is a calling that I feel. And while 2014 brought only 2 opportunities, one for my husband and I together at church and another at a local MOPS group early in December, both were an honor to be a part of.

I think starting the year, sharing that dream, I thought that maybe there would be something “bigger”…but I was reminded recently when listening to my 40 Day Prayer Challenge devotional by Mark Batterson, that I don’t have to influence thousands….maybe God calls me to be an influence to 1 who then goes on to influence thousands. Each is important. And so while my dream to speak didn’t end up looking like I had hoped, it was a blessing to be given an opportunity to share my story at all.

Because our stories matter, don’t they?! Our hurts and our hopes, they need to be shared. I have said before that I started blogging because of one woman who was brave enough to share the difficult…and her testimony and faith were what got me through a very dark time in my own life.

If you feel called to share your story, do it! We may not get a book deal, or a viral post….but our words may touch the heart of another who is hurting and THAT my friends is what makes it worth it!

At the beginning of the year I also felt challenged to find balance for my home, work and family. I felt like God wanted that for me and so I made it my word for 2014. And can I just say that challenge was a FAIL. Like a BIG TIME FAIL.

I think I walked away from 2014 with less balance than I started! 😉 So if you feel the same don’t feel discouraged! I am reminded once again that this road we are on is one of progress, not perfection. It is easy to look back at our year and feel like we have missed the mark. But I don’t want to end this year focusing on all the things that I didn’t get done, or I didn’t do well. Because intermixed in those failures are so so many blessings. And that is what I want to remember!

There has been growth in ways I hadn’t expected. Approximately 3 months ago I started my first 40 Day Prayer Challenge. I wasn’t sure what I expected, and with my track record of starting but not finishing so many other things….I didn’t hold high expectations for me on this. But yesterday I finished my 2nd 40 day challenge!

I have journaled through the process and while some of the prayers are yet to be answered, I have seen God moving and I can’t wait to keep going. I even got a new Prayer Circle Journal from my dear friend Delonna and it will be the perfect way to start praying through 2015!

Yes God has been moving.

So I leave 2014 filled with gratitude. No it didn’t always work out like I had hoped or imagined, but each step was a learning experience, an opportunity to grow, and for all of those things I am thankful.

And 2015? I thought I had a word to start the new year and now I feel like God has given me a different word. Because of course, and a little thank you to Christine who spoke life and truth to me this morning that helped in that revelation! I will share more about that tomorrow though.

Until then, can I just end this by saying thank you. Thank you for walking with me here, For encouraging me, believing in me. For each uplifting comment, and those who shared my writing. I know that many of us haven’t met in real life, but I count you all friends. You make this journey worth it! Happy New Year friends!

Today I am joining my friends over at God-sized Dreams linking up our dreaming stories from 2014!  And Kristin Hill Taylor’s Three Word Wednesday!

GSD Link Up Picture

 

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31 Days of Finding God – LEAVE

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Thank you for joining me in my series 31 Days of Finding God. Each day I am going to use a prompt from Kate and incorporate that into how I am finding God in my everyday!

Leave

Today’s Prompt is Leave!

I will be honest, I can’t believe that I am here. When I felt the leading to participate in this challenge to write for 31 days straight, I was pretty sure that I would quit half way through. I like to start things and then fizzle out before I get it completed. I figured this wouldn’t be any different.

But somehow God gave me the words.

There were days that I thought I wouldn’t have a post, and then late in the day something would happen that inspired me and I would have something to write. I rarely blogged ahead, except for the 4 posts I wrote right after Allume! 🙂

Before starting this 31 day challenge, I had started the 40 Day Prayer Circle Devotional. I am now on day 51! It made such an impact on me that I started over once I finished the full 40 days IN 40 days!!

I want to leave my kids a legacy of being someone who finishes. (<====Click to Tweet) Even when it is tough. Even when the words don’t come or I am tired or feel uninspired.

God calls us to be a light.

I want our home to be a place of comfort, welcome. I want to teach my kids how to open their hearts to others and to not be afraid of doing the hard work.

There is such a benefit in the finishing isn’t there?

I know there will be times that I don’t finish well, when I am flat on my face asking God for the strength to continue. I hope in those times I can show that it isn’t by my ability or strength that I persevere…but God’s.

I believe that God gave me the words. He made this challenge possible and I am so blessed to be leaving this 31 days with more of Him.

I have found more of God. In the big and the small, and I am grateful.

I leave this month changed. Blessed even, and I thank each of you that encouraged me along the way. Those that stuck with my daily posts and left comments for me, You made this journey all the more worthwhile.

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In Him, Kristin

31 Days of Finding God – FIRST

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Thank you for joining me in my series 31 Days of Finding God. Each day I am going to use a prompt from Kate and incorporate that into how I am finding God in my everyday! First

Today’s prompt is First!

Do you lead with love first?

This was a question that Jeremy from the Preemptive Love Coalition asked us at Allume.

He captured my attention because he spent time talking about his life in Iraq, what it has been like for their family, whey they felt called there and how they are responding with true hospitality now.

It isn’t always easy to lead with love first.

We get defensive, maybe feel like we are right…we have to change the world and bring people to Christ so we must do that with all the Bible knowledge we have because that is the only way we will win the argument.

Jeremy talked about he would go and spend all day in this coffee shop in Turkey with his Bible and the Quran and a dictionary. Partly he wanted to learn the language and engage with others, but when he was approached he said he went into the conversation with his fists up.

The kind of attitude that says “I know my Bible and I am going to prove you and yours wrong.” {Bam}

But when we approach people fists up, we aren’t showing them an attitude of Christ’s love! (<====Click to Tweet)

If we want to draw people in, we must do it through relationship. Just like Jesus, he entered this world with arms open. Ready to serve, to dine with strangers, to share water with prostitutes, to heal the sick and wounded.

If we have a heart to teach others about the love of Christ so that they desire to seek Him themselves, we have to lead with love first.

There just was so much of this goodness this weekend. I don’t want to forget. I can get so caught up in life and get frustrated and selfish and I forget how much easier it would all be if I would lead with love first.

It is a journey isn’t it?! These revealings can be tough to walk through but hopefully they bring us closer to who God has called us to be!

I hope to share more about  Preemptive Love Coalition in the future but for now wanted to share one special project we were allowed the opportunity to participate in. As an organization they are partnering with doctors and hospitals to give life saving operations to children with heart defects.

For a small $25 donation you can partner with them to make a much bigger impact than we could do here with $25 alone. Would you consider helping?  Find the link here Pure Charity – Patch a Child’s Heart Fund.

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In Him, Kristin

31 Days of Finding God – UNITE

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Thank you for joining me in my series 31 Days of Finding God. Each day I am going to use a prompt from Kate and incorporate that into how I am finding God in my everyday!

UniteToday’s prompt is Unite!

As women we can be quick to judge.

We judge others, we judge ourselves. We set the measuring stick so high that there is no way we could measure up. We fight against our differences and don’t embrace them in unity.

I see you and all of the ways that you are doing things better than I am, and I want to give up. And if I am honest some days I want to push to be better. So that I get the praise…sigh.

This past weekend I was reminded that as women we need to be each others cheerleaders. We need to fight the good fight for one another. We need to be brave and encourage, we need to unite together as a body of Christian women and be a light for this world.

We have a voice. We all do!

My voice is different than yours, yes. But united we are louder, stronger…and we can make an impact!

It was a reminder to me that when I read a post that is amazing, I need to push back any feelings of inadequacy at not thinking/writing it first and share it.

Friends let’s champion for one another. (<====Click to Tweet)

In those moments when we are feeling less than, let’s stamp out the lies and stand firm on the truth. We are each unique and necessary to God’s master plan for the world.

My audience is different than yours and if we cheer one another on in this battle who knows where our reach will extend to?!

On our God-sized Dreams website we have women that have written in with prayer requests from England and Mexico!

Can you believe that? That little thing that was started as a place to encourage has reached outside of American borders and offered hope to women we may never meet in person in this lifetime.

That is deeply humbling isn’t it?!

It wouldn’t be possible though if we didn’t work together. Let us continue to link arms together, support and challenge one another to be better because of His grace.

God has given us a great responsibility to reach out to our families, our communities and the lost and be a light. But for me to be effective – I need you.

I need to read your stories, they give me hope. Keep writing friends, keeping being Jesus with skin on in your communities and let’s overwhelm the darkness with a force of light the world has not ever seen before.

Standing firm, united with you all! It is an honor, a true honor to walk this journey with you!!

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In Him, Kristin