Monthly Archives: April 2015

Mom Confessions – Smiths in Real Life – Part Five

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Mom ConfessionsWhat fun these “confession” posts have been….are you loving them like I am? There is something freeing about laying it all out there. And even though I would love for you all to go on believing that I have it all together, that isn’t my reality. At all. So I am joining up with my friend Anna over at Girl With Blog and sharing some of my Mom Confessions.

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We had the final band concert of the year for Gabriel this past week. He plays the alto sax and is in the 5th grade. They have improved SO much this year! And can I just say that our middle school music director knows how to do it right when it comes to concerts. They combine the 5th grade and 7th grade and the entire concert was 30 minutes. We came from a town where the concerts were sometimes over an hour. And while I love me some music…an hour long is too long, wouldn’t you agree?

Gabriel band

I have still not painted those shelves for our toy room. I am losing hope at this point. Anyone want to paint 2 shelves for me? Please, pretty please? 😉 So I may never blog about my toy room redo….and when it looks like this…well it is no longer the cute, welcoming place it once was.

Toy room

Reality friends, reality!

And for another dose of reality…I let my girl do this the other day.

Brownie mix

I know I shouldn’t let her lick the leftover brownie batter…but when you look so cute in your ladybug helmet and climb on the counter to help yourself…how does a mama say no?

Karlena ballet 2

And yesterday I got to attend Karlena’s dance class. It is parent visitation week so we get a glimpse of what they do in class each week. My daughter clearly attends dance for the social aspect of it.

She was a chatty Kathy the entire time. Even expressed (loudly and for ALL to hear) while they were stretching their noses to their toes, that “my feet smell like sandwich”...ahhh yes the old “my feet smell like sandwich” comment to really make a mama proud! 😉

It was evident today that my dreams of a dancer daughter are just that…dreams. Comedian or expert gallop-er, yes…yes those may just be in her future! But prima ballerina…well at this point it is not looking good!

So there you have it…another week full of fun around here. We did do some pretty awesome projects that probably deserve a post of their own…so with that I bid you farewell and happy middle-of-the-week!

Where Grace and Suffering Meet

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Karlena 2Today is a special day as it would be Karlena’s 40th birthday. And I am pretty sure that her 40 and fabulous party in heaven isn’t anything like we would be having here.

But I miss her. And I wish that I was celebrating with her in person.

Today at church I am leading a song for worship team. (Please pray as you read this because it still TERRIFIES me.) Anyhoo….It is called At the Foot of the Cross.

I have listened to the song over a hundred times in the last 4 days and the words have sunk in deep, covering my soul with the reality that is the dance between suffering and grace.

The video I am attaching below is one where they show clips from the Passion movie. The scene where Jesus is being raised up on the cross and his beloved friends are at the foot of the cross watching.

I understand the pain they must have felt at that moment. Their friend and companion, their teacher and example was dying and they would never be the same again.

I imagine they must have wondered how any beauty could ever come from something so painful.

But it is at the foot of the cross, the very tool used for extreme suffering, that we find just that.

Beauty from ashes.

Hope in the midst of suffering.

Light in the darkness.

The cross is the very reason that the loss we all experience is not the end.

We have been given new life when we accept Jesus as our Savior. And that new life offers the promise that death is not the end. And while I would rather celebrate this special birthday with Karlena in person, I rejoice in the fact that one day we will be reunited.

And oh the party that will be.

I don’t know what burden you are carrying this morning.

Maybe it is the loss of a job, or a struggle in your marriage. Maybe your arms long for a baby of your own. Maybe you are carrying the weight of a sickness or the struggle with anxiety or depression.

Whatever it is, I encourage you to lay it down. If you have to physically do the act of setting it down, do that. Set it down at the foot of the cross.

We weren’t meant to carry it on our own. Jesus came to do the heavy lifting. But for some of us it means we have to first let go.

There is freedom found in trusting God with everything. We might not always understand the trials we face, but we can walk confidently knowing that He will make beauty out of all of it.

Happy Birthday Karlena. You are loved and missed but I rejoice today in your complete and total healing. Until the day we celebrate together…I love you friend!

When You Don’t Have a Romantic “Proposal Story”, and Why it is OK.

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Proposal

Dominic was at a small group the other day with some men from church. At some point the leader asked everyone to go around the room and share their “proposal story.” These types of prompts can be difficult for us because the reality is we don’t have one.

I have shared here before a little about the path we started out on. It wasn’t easy. When we share our story our hope is that others will see how God used us, even in our sin, for His glory.

We were selfish and self-centered and made adult choices that had big consequences. We were in the camp of “that won’t ever happen to me”…so it was a complete shock when I found out I was pregnant my junior year of college.

The day I found out I called Dominic and we had a conversation. He told me that the best choice was that we get married and take care of our new responsibility.

That was it. No roses or romantic dinner out, no shopping for rings and no down-on-one-knee proposal. We had a conversation and based on our situation made a choice, made a commitment to one another.

But every girl dreams of that romantic proposal, don’t they?

I can’t say I feel cheated necessarily, but I do feel sad that because of our choices, we didn’t get to do it the “right” way. Even Dominic said that he wished that things could have been done differently.

Sin does that though, it robs us of what is best for us.  And while a lasting marriage isn’t contingent on the proposal, it is a fun story that is shared over and over.

And as a girl who loves a good story…well it is frustrating that I don’t have one to share in this area.

As I was thinking about it the other night though I recognized that I did have a proposal story. It isn’t what one typically shares at bridal showers, but it is beautiful and romantic in its own way. And it is a proposal that I continue to live out day after day.

Jesus said “Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

“By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us…” 1 John 3:16

In one of the most amazing acts of courtship, Christ came to woo each of us to Him. (<====Click to Tweet)

He called us by name, He showed us what true, unconditional love looks like. And then instead of getting down on one knee, He stretched His arms out wide, bore nails in his wrists, and died for each and every sin that we would commit.

All He asks is that we believe in Him, put our faith in Him…and we are promised eternal life.

All too often I am looking at Dominic to be my Jesus.

I want him to fulfill every need that I have. Meet my unrealistic expectations and act perfectly. Things he can’t possibly do. None of us can.

If my happiness is based on Dominic meeting some impossible standard that I have set for him, then I will likely find myself bitter and resentful. The same could be said for him as well. We are human, we fail each other all the time!

God knew we couldn’t be perfect, we couldn’t do it all…and He knew I wasn’t capable of unconditional love.

So He sent a bridegroom that was.

Each and every day I am grateful for that proposal. His gift of grace allows me to live my life with grace for others. I don’t do it perfectly, ever. But I don’t have to.

There is freedom in that isn’t there?!

So while I won’t ever have the fairy-tale “worldly” proposal to share at bridal showers….I know that I am a part of a much bigger, romantic story. Written in the pages of the Bible. And for that I am truly grateful.

Photo Credit: mikecogh

Mom Confessions – Smiths in Real Life – Part Four

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Mom Confessions

This week feels less like a “confession” and more like “life theses days” but there has been a lot going on and honestly this is a way for me to remember it all!  And even though I would love for you all to go on believing that I have it all together, that isn’t my reality. At all. So I am joining up with my friend Anna over at Girl With Blog and sharing some of my Mom Confessions.

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Karlena threw a massive fit after dance class last week because I wouldn’t let her go in the fish pool in our backyard. It was 65 degrees.  Yes it was warmer than it had been for weeks, but it was NOT pool weather, especially not at 5pm. Heck I don’t even know where the darn pool even is right now! I said no. She screamed her ever loving head off for like 10 minutes. So I did what any mom would do. I took a video of her and posted it to FB. Because sometimes seeing another child throwing a fit makes you feel better about your own life. Mama friends, you are welcome.

This young man is the future graduating class of 2028!

Elijah kindergarten

We had kindergarten roundup, which felt oddly like a sale-pitch for parents. I guess because there are choices now maybe it has become a sales-pitch? It was good – but a little weird! 🙂 And how old does 2028 make you feel? OLD? Yeah me too!

This little miss had a fun visit to the dentist this past week…

Karlena dentist

Yes, she had 2 cavities. I think I shared before that I feel like that is a reflection on me as a mother, but whatever…I am getting over it. We will continue to brush, but when it is a battle…typically I lose. :/ Anyways. She got the laughy gas but did SO good. It was a fairly long appointment because they have to let the gas kick in, let the tooth get “sleepy”…and then do the fixes. She handled it like a champ though, so I was proud of her!

A few weeks ago we had a home appraisal done. We are finalizing a refi this week, lower interest and no more PMI (#winning) but as a part of that we had to have a home appraisal. No biggie right? That is until you remember on the morning of that a stranger is going to be coming into your home AND taking pictures of all the rooms and your home is a PIT…that you go into complete and total panic mode.

So what did we do? We skipped work for 2 hrs that morning and FRANTICALLY cleaned. I was a hot sweaty mess. I just threw things into closets and said a prayer he wouldn’t need to open them for any reason (he didn’t PTL!!!) But now 3+ weeks later I have never gone back and cleaned up my mess. Nope…haven’t even thought of it. And maybe never will open the doors again if I can avoid it all together! 😉

Elijah became a man this past week when he came home with this….

Elijah mustache man

Isn’t it awesome? There was a carnival at the school he attends and he came home with these tattoos! 🙂 He looks so adorable!

And finally my oldest went to prom this past weekend. He went with friends from our old hometown. I didn’t get to see him in person because we had things to be at here so I had other moms taking pictures for me! He looks so grown up to me…it is probably better that I wasn’t there because I would have embarrassed him with all the tears! 🙂

Isaac PromWell thanks for hanging in there with me this week…I will try and be more confessional next week!

Mom Confessions – Smiths in Real Life – Part Three

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Mom Confessions

This week has felt harder than some…and I am going to try and bring some humor to my post but may just need a virtual shoulder to cry on this week. So even though I would love for you all to go on believing that I have it all together, that isn’t my reality. At all. So I am joining up with my friend Anna over at Girl With Blog and sharing some of my Mom Confessions.

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For some humor (or horror) you take your pick…my week started with this “reality check” from my sweet little miss….I was changing into my painting clothes this weekend and Karlena happened into my room. She took one look at me and said (and I swear I am not kidding) “EEEWWWW!” So me, the clueless one, asks what she is eewwwwing, to which she responds… “Your legs mama, they are SOOO GROSS!” “They are just sooo gross.”

And then she left the room. And so did my self-esteem. 😉 Yes my legs are white, and thankfully because of my genetic background, quite vein-y. But gross? Really was that necessary? (I will spare you all a picture because well at this point I can’t take any more rejection!)

This is what I had for breakfast on Monday…

Cookie Bar

Cookie Bar

I have no self control. I honestly felt that because of all the oatmeal and peanut butter in it that it was a lot like a healthy snack. This on the morning that I could have  should have started a 40 day sugar fast with the ladies over at Mother of Boys. Who am I kidding though, right now I am too emotionally unstable to be giving up sugar. That is probably just why I should…but it isn’t happening today.

And why am I so emotionally unstable you might ask?

Well for starters…this…

Isaac 18

I think the reality of this all is really setting in. My oldest, the one I made ALL the mistakes with, is actually graduating and like leaving (probably forever, I mean he will visit but he may never live long term with us again.) And I realize that this is a part of life, and I am so proud of him and excited to see him chase his dreams but oh the “letting go” is hard isn’t it?

And I feel like such a complete and total failure when it comes to what I should have done already for his graduation party. The invitations aren’t even addressed, I don’t have a single picture board made…heck when our external hard drive died 2 years ago we lost like 7 years of his documented digital life that I won’t ever get back.

A few years ago I made these amazing boards for a friends son(s) who were graduating. I totally love doing that kind of thing, but now my first born is graduating and I haven’t done anything and don’t know how in a month I can. Can we say #momguilt. Ugh.

The reality is he probably doesn’t care but I also don’t want him to think he isn’t super important. I don’t want our party to be totally lame compared to everyone else’s. How 11th grade is that?!

I need therapy.

And for the love of all things good and holy how do you plan for a party when you have NO IDEA how many people will come? I ordered 100 cupcakes, I think that will be enough, but what if it is short…what if we only need 30. Seriously I need therapy don’t I?!

So there you have it.

And to add to the fun, Elijah has been sick for the past 2 days. Bad stomach pains…we thought he was using the bathroom normally, if you catch my drift…but apparently maybe not as much as he should.

So he missed a day of school last week because of a stomach ache. Then 2 this week…I took him into the clinic this morning just to make sure it wasn’t something more serious.

Elijah sick

Turns out his belly is full of some pretty hard poo. Yep that’s fun! So we are upping our fiber, eating some dried apricots and drinking a lot of water. All good stuff….or will hopefully produce some “good stuff.”

So with that I bid adieu. 😉

***And a happy update since I wrote this post – I stayed up late and got the invitations addressed so thank God that part is done!!***