Monthly Archives: April 2021

Honoring God

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This verse got me thinking this morning. What does it really mean for me to honor God, especially in suffering, in grief?

In 16 months I have had a lot of questions, a lot of moments where I cried out to God asking Him “why”. But I have done so with the understanding that ultimately my hope is not found in this world, and some things may not be answered this side of heaven.

Do I like that? No! I am the type of person that wants a tidy answer and I don’t always get it. That is hard. But, in spite of how I feel…in spite of what I wish were different, God has been faithful to me.

I think when we just give God our everything, our humble offerings and say “I am going to trust you with this Lord”… He is honored in that.

Take my broken heart, my lost dreams, my what-ifs Lord. Take my questions and my anger and know Lord I bring it to You because I trust You can handle it all. I don’t expect answers (although my heart longs for them). But I will trust You Lord to bring joy and peace and comfort, because that is who You are.

As I bring God my everything, my heart can’t help but praise, Him because He IS my everything.

Close to the Brokenhearted

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In the early days after Isaac died I didn’t know what to pray. A friend gave me a small book filled with short devotions and a passage from Psalms. Each morning as my prayer I would write out the verses for the day. It was all I could do.

If you don’t know how to pray, if you don’t know what to pray, write out the Psalms. David understood pain, sorrow, and questioning God and he also understood that God would meet him in those places and he worshipped Him for it.

God was so near to us when our hearts were crushed. I asked Him why, I begged Him to change our circumstance, and I cried for comfort. He met me in all of it. I didn’t always get the answer I wanted, but I knew I wasn’t alone.

Consider it Joy

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It is a tough pill to swallow, the idea that we should count our trials as joy. Is that my first response? I remember studying that scripture along with the book of Job before Isaac died and asking IF I were faced with a trial like Job would I seriously have a response like his? One of worship? I didn’t think it was possible.

4 months later, Isaac died. And our response was one of sorrow and grief certainly, but also one of worship because God was so present. The memories of those first days have come flooding back as we now see another family in our local church community having to walk this path no parent should have to walk.

Losing a child, especially suddenly (whatever the reason) is traumatic. Nothing prepares you for that. But God cared for our hearts. He surrounded us with faithful people of prayer who prayed non stop on our behalf. In moments of doubt, their faith in God’s goodness helped us believe that some good could come from Isaac’s death.

All my life I had been step by step establishing my faith, learning who God was. So in that time of trial, I had the perseverance needed to keep trusting even when I was completely shattered and broken.

So today I am praying for this family in our community. I am trusting in the goodness of God for them even if they can’t see it. I am praying God surrounds them in such a way that they can only praise His goodness in spite of their brokenness. And I am asking that you join me in praying for healing for their hearts. The road they now walk is a lonely, painful one. But prayer works and God hears and is faithful to respond. I have lived it.

Only You

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I cleaned my house for hours yesterday. Yes my house was dirty but this was like washing down cabinets/walls kind of cleaning. Today after church and lunch I went outside and started raking up some of the dead leaves in our yard.

I maybe should have offered to host family for Easter. I didn’t. We had steak and potatoes as a family and everyone went off to do their own thing.

My bff said yesterday that sometimes when she works really hard like that it is bc she needs to process something. Maybe she is right. I feel like I am wrestling again…

This is our 2nd Easter without Isaac. In many ways the recognition of Jesus’ sacrifice for us gives me such hope. But I desperately wish Isaac were still here. And so I have to choose what to do with those emotions.

This afternoon I blared worship music through my ear buds and praised the One I trust that has my boy. Worship music has rescued me in this season. This song really hit home today. Maybe if you are in a season of struggle it will minister to you as well.

“You chose the cross, so I choose surrender

You deserve my lifelong praise

You gave Your life, so I give my worship

You deserve my lifelong praise

When the chaos comes my way

I will choose to praise…”