“If I were your enemy, I’d constantly remind you of your past mistakes and poor choices. I’d want to keep you burdened by shame and guilt, in hopes that you’ll feel incapacitated by your many feelings and see no point in trying again….” p93

Oh those words struck me when I read them…they still do.

How often have shame and guilt permeated your thoughts, that reminder again and again that your past defines you and you will never be good enough for God?

It is something that I have struggled with for years. Honestly I didn’t even understand how much shame played a large part in shaping who I am. It wasn’t until recently when I read a book that focused on on how damaging shame can be that I realized how the enemy had used it in my life, time and time again.

In our Bible study we discussed the difference between shame and guilt. I heard it said that guilt is when you feel badly about something you have done. But shame is the feeling that you are bad.

And stuck in shame is right where the enemy wants us.

Is there something in your past that you think is just too bad for God to redeem?

When I found out that I was pregnant out of marriage I believed that I had sinned in a way that would keep me from God. Even if I repented…I just didn’t believe that He could love me anymore.

When life got hard, I believed that it was God’s punishment for my sin. I spent YEARS with a warped sense of who He was. I didn’t trust that my sin was forgivable, even though I had grown up hearing about Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. Maybe he just didn’t mean it for a girl like me.

The enemy whispers lies like that to keep us stuck in shame.

Or how about those times that you mess up, plead for forgiveness vowing never to make that mistake again…only to find yourself stuck in your sin once again. Oh how the enemy loves to keep us there.

I can tell you with all honesty that there are sins and character defects in my life today that God has not fully removed from me yet. Trust me when I say that I have asked, begged Him to take away my problems (mainly my anger or my tendency to fight unfairly). I don’t like those parts of me. In the heat of the situation, I don’t stop and pray. I shoot off my mouth and then feel guilty later.

In those moments it feels like nothing is ever going to change. Sometimes my past mistakes seem so hopeless.

But Priscilla challenges that idea suggesting that God doesn’t live in our past. He exists outside of time. And furthermore, when I accepted the free gift of Jesus as a payment for ALL of my sins, God no longer sees me as the sinful woman that I am. Instead He sees Jesus’ atonement for my sins and I too am washed white as snow.

It is hard for me to grasp really. Is it for you too?

Tomorrow I will talk a little more about our new identity. How we can walk in the freedom of a transformed past. But for today I want to leave you with this.

Nothing, and I mean nothing is too bad that God can’t redeem it if we ask Him to. It doesn’t mean that we will immediately be “cured” of all of our character defects. I am finding that I am given lots of opportunities to “practice” a new response.

One of my biggest struggles is remaining calm when I get upset. But in those moments if I just pause and pray…the intensity of my feelings goes down. If I am seeking God first before I respond, I will respond in a way that is more grace filled and peaceful than if I just react on my own.

But I have to start with prayer.

There are days I pray that God would put a muzzle over my mouth…because I need it! I am helpless and hopeless on my own. But with prayer I can access a mighty and powerful God who can lead me in the right direction.

When I pause and pray, He brings me the peace I need and the direction I want to move me forward in a manner that is pleasing and honoring to Him.

Pause and pray. That needs to be my mantra.

I promise you that I WILL be tested, and probably soon, now that I have written those words! Ha! It is easy for me to write it out and much harder for me to put it into practice in the moment! But I challenge myself to try it before even challenging you! What do you think, would pause and pray work for you too?

If there is something in your past that is still being used as a hurt in your life? I just pray that today you might be able to leave that at the foot of the cross. Pray that God would heal your wounds, allowing you to grow if and where needed…but then also that you may find the freedom of walking forward without the shame you have carried for far too long.

Lord, we just thank and praise You that our past and all of its ugliness doesn’t have to define us today. We know we are sinners and we are so grateful for the gift of Jesus. He took the punishment for every sin. Past, present and future. I can’t understand a love like that, so I just fall on my knees grateful for who You are. Help us Lord in those moments where our sin might take a hold of our thoughts and our words…that we might pause and pray. That we would humbly ask for Your words, Your path and direction in all we do. So that all that we do might bring You honor and glory. We pray this in Jesus Name, Amen.

We are half way through our month long look at the book Fervent! Can you believe it?! We have seen several ways in which the enemy seeks to attack some of the most important people, places and things in our lives. It seems no area is off limit.

And if you are anything like me, you are sick of the attacks. Tired of letting the enemy run over your heart and your life and maybe, just maybe, you are ready to really do something different.

I get it. I am right there with you!

It wasn’t that long ago that I found myself in my living room, on my knees in prayer.

I have shared a little in the past few weeks about some of my struggles, my unique character defects. And while I know what they are, and I really want to change…when conflict happens it seems like everything that I have learned flies out the window and I am right back to saying or doing something I regret.

It is easy to feel defeated in those moments isn’t it?

And I find myself right where the enemy wants me to be. But that morning I was ready for something different. Maybe you are too?

We have come to the point in the book when Priscilla charges us with 5 challenging words. Assume a new fighting position.

So how does that look?

That morning I prayed that God would work in my marriage. One of my biggest character defects is that I am quick to fight and S.L.O.W to respect. On more than one occasion I have been disrespectful towards my husband in front of my kids. Instead of standing with him I become an adversary.

I can say I respect him (and I do) but if my actions reflect differently, what is most likely to be remembered? So that morning I prayed that God would remove that specific character defect from my life.  I prayed for guidance and tangible ways that I could honor and respect him well.

We won’t always agree…but I can disagree and be respectful at the same time. Well at least I understand it is possible…I clearly haven’t mastered that yet! But with God’s help, anything is possible. I know that nothing is going to change if I am not bringing it humbly to His feet and asking for help.

On pages 86 -87 Priscilla gives several verses that can be prayed over by a wife. Verses she says counsel how a wife should treat, bless, think about and respond to her husband. What if I took even 10 minutes each morning praying over some specific verses about how to be a Godly wife? What blessings could come from that?!

I MUST assume a new fighting position!

Priscilla says this ” Home and families, marriages and children can all too easily dissolve into combat zones – which was the last thing in the world you ever foresaw when you pledged your life to your husband at the wedding alter, when you brought home that bundle of joy from the delivery room. What I’m telling you is this: You may not be able to control all the discord and unwise choices that occur in the various corners of your house or among the people you share a family with. But you can make sure that the only place you engage in combat is in the heavenlies, in prayer, in secret.” p 91-92 

In the back of the book are prayer cards. They can be written on and torn out, and placed in any special place that you have to hold your prayers. I don’t have a “War Room” like in the movie, but I started writing out prayers and putting them inside the door of a cabinet we have in our living room.

I was really diligent about doing that for months, and then I got lazy. And when I let my guard down I am more susceptible to the attacks that come. I MUST assume a new fighting position.

Not just when life gets hard, or I need something…but every day. On my knees in prayer. Prayer for my family and my marriage. Prayer for my kids and the people we come in contact with at the office. Prayer over my character defects and my wrong choices.

If I start my day on my knees in prayer instead of scrolling through my Facebook feed to see what I might have missed overnight, I am beginning my day focused on what God would have for me. This selfish, self-centered girl needs a lot more of Jesus every day and a whole lot less of herself!

So even if you haven’t started yet on this journey of fervent prayer, you can today.

Humble yourself, on your knees, and ask God into all of the details of your life. Write out some scripture that you can be praying over for a specific area of your life. With God’s power and fervent prayer, start reclaiming those broken areas that the enemy has tried to destroy!

Lord, we humbly ask for your help. We know that the enemy has created discord in our homes and with our families. We ask in Your mighty power that those hurts might be redeemed. Change us from the inside. Mold us and shape us into the kind of wives You call us to be. Lead us on Your path, we know that we can’t journey in this life without Your guidance and direction. Thank you for Your Word, may we seek to know You more through it. We pray all of these things in Jesus Name, Amen.

In Fervent as discussed in Strategy 4, Priscilla talks about how family and more specifically marriage is designed to be a witness to others of our relationship with God. She says, “It’s not a perfect representation, of course, since the best marriage we can possibly make on earth still involves a pair of fallen, broken people. But in its deepest sense, at its deepest level, this primary human relationship between husband and wife is meant to be a living witness to others of the love of Christ for His church.” p76

Marriage is hard.

For most people it isn’t the house with a white-picket fence, 2 kids and a dog (who doesn’t shed or bark or bite) picture of perfection that we may have grown up believing was out there for us.

It is long hours, sick kids, arguments and hurt feelings, past baggage that has shaped how we act/interact with others…the reality is, for most, that marriage can be a lot more work than we anticipated. The lovey-dovey feelings that happen in courtship are assaulted with the reality of life. And it isn’t always pretty.

The early years of our marriage, as I have shared here before, were difficult. We were (and still sometimes are) two selfish people. We didn’t honor Ephesians 5: 21-33. We didn’t work on loving and respecting one another as called to by God. We both wanted our own needs met first and it brought conflict and strife to our home.

The only witness we were during those years was how NOT to do marriage successfully!

But God was there…and through different people and circumstances we slowly found our way back to a Bible believing/preaching church. A relationship with God began, we saw the need for some changes in ourselves and started working on understanding our own personal character defects. We asked God to remove them and fill us with a desire to be a light to others.

When you pray for God to use you, He will.

We should not be put on a pedestal though. We don’t have it all figured out. We continue to make mistakes, we always will. But we recognize the higher calling we have. To treat one another as called to by Christ.

And let me be clear, I can’t walk in that calling without the constant daily help of God. I am a broken sinner. Selfish and self-centered to the core. So often my first thought is what’s in it for me? Sad but true! But I recognize that I am a better person when I spend time in prayer for my husband. It is hard to point fingers at someone and bless them in prayer at the same time.

A few years ago I came across a website and this printable that talked about how to pray for your husband from head to toe. It was a tangible way that I was able to cover Dominic in prayer each morning while I got ready. A reminder that he needed covering too, and this was one way I could lift him up.

Marriage is hard, yes. But if we bring everything in our marriage to the feet of God and ask for His guidance and direction…He will lead us on the right path. And by doing so you are able to be a witness to others around you.

I share some of our struggles here because I want to keep things real. It isn’t always sunshine and roses, and that’s ok. Because of God’s incredible redemptive power He has healed broken places in our hearts and home. I believe in His saving grace because I have witnessed it in my own life.

I will probably say it every day this month…the enemy wants you broken. He wants unforgiveness to rein in your home. And the only defense we have is to fight back in prayer. Pray that God would restore the hurt and broken. Pray daily for your spouse and your kids. Pray for love and respect to override selfishness. Just pray and watch what God can and will do!

And when you have? Tell someone. Don’t do it to brag on all you’ve done. No, share the truth with someone who is hurting. Give them hope. Be that witness to the power of God in your life. It is our calling!

Lord, we thank you for marriages. We know that it isn’t always easy and so often our selfish pride gets in the way of Your work. We bring our marriages to You Lord. You are the God that restores. Heal the broken places, and then give us courage to be a witness of that redemption to others that are hurting. Thank you for giving us You Word that we might discover your design for marriage. May we be challenged to study your ways and walk in them daily. In Jesus Name, Amen.

“Satan loves to divide families by creating disunity. In fact, one of the most subtle and lethal ways the devil attacks us is by dividing and conquering our relationships. He wants to ruin all of our relationships – with friends, spouses, small groups, parents, siblings and kids. And he knows that the quickest and easiest way to do this is by getting us to divide over our differences.” Chip Ingram

I’ve shared in a few other posts about how the enemy likes to create discord. Throughout Fervent, Priscilla talks about the different ways the enemy sets out to attack us. Yes it is a book on prayer, but it is also a book to help open our eyes to the enemy’s schemes.

Part of fervently praying for those we love is to first know what we are up against!

The more my eyes have been opened to the crafty ways he has worked in my life, the more angry I am, and the more challenged I am to do things differently.

My typical response to conflict is to fight. Get defensive, point fingers and fight my way out of any responsibility. Clearly this is not a productive or healthy way to approach a loved one and often times I find myself in that place where I have harmed someone I care for.

This type of response only causes hurt. Clearly I don’t want that for anyone I love, but I am human and I DO make mistakes, lots of them. And there are consequences, because even though forgiveness is given, the hurt doesn’t always go away instantaneously…and waiting through that healing can be hard.

Years of not properly dealing with frustration and fighting unfairly led to my constant use of the silent treatment. Justifying my behavior in thinking that at least I wasn’t saying anything rude…I failed to recognize that cutting someone off can be just as damaging.

And I have found that in these moments, the enemy knew my weakness and my heart, which wasn’t centered on what God would have me do, and in the silence I felt more and more justified.

Brick by brick, walls were built. The mortar that held those bricks together were lies masked as truth.

I wasn’t praying for discernment. Change him, fix that…never fix me Lord. THAT should have been my prayer all along!

Then I was listening to the Love and Respect book on tape and the author said that in those moments when you are mad and hurt, feeling justified in your anger and not wanting to let go, you should be praying this…“Change me Lord, and bless him (or her)”

It is hard to be angry at someone when you are praying for God to bless them!

Sometimes that is all we can utter. Some days I said it but didn’t really mean it! But doing it changed me. The action of praying for someone else brought peace to my heart. The walls started to fall down and I wanted to let go of the hurt and anger more quickly. I wanted to take responsibility for what was mine.

I think God knows it isn’t easy. We are going to fight against praying for someone we are angry with. But if I take even a moment and remember the sacrifice made on my behalf, by a sinless and loving God…how can I not try and do the same for others?!

Satan would love it if we forgot about the unconditional love God has to offer. He wants us angry and bitter and defeated remember?!

So when you have conflict in your family, stop and see it for what it is. Before you say something hurtful, stop and pray. Oh I need to learn this lesson for myself…I write these words for me first and foremost friends!

We can bring ALL things to God in prayer. The more we do it, the more natural it becomes. Our response may just be one of prayer first instead of hurt. The enemy wants our families but we don’t have to stand around and let him have them! Fight back with prayer!!

Lord, we pray protection over families today. The enemy would love to see our families broken but we know that You are a God that restores. Help us Lord to fight for our families in prayer. We take time Lord now to lift up those we may be in a struggle with and ask that You bring peace. Help us to humble ourselves and to love our family unconditionally. We commit today to fighting all enemy attacks with prayer! In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Fear has been a life-long chain, shackled around me…bringing worry and what-ifs into even the silliest of situations.

And if I am being honest, my fear often causes me to question my faith. I mean, if I trusted God wouldn’t I not be afraid? What if my fear is a reflection of my lack of faith?

If Dominic is traveling and doesn’t call when I expect him to I am certain that he must be in a ditch somewhere. It is never just as simple as he needed to stop for gas and got a phone call or was trying to grab a quick bite to eat…no he is dead in a ditch. And his car is probably on fire because that happens all the time right?

It is crazy even typing that out…but if I let them get the best of me, my thoughts can run wild.

Open my eyes Lord that I might see….

Have you ever prayed that?

In a circumstance that feels out of your control or too big to handle, have you ever prayed that God would open your eyes so that you may see the situation more clearly?

In the chapter about our identity, Priscilla shares a story from 2 Kings 6: 8-17.  In these verses we find Elisha, a servant of God and a man who is in constant communication (prayer) with God. Because of this, God gives him some advance warnings about what is going to happen next with this king of Aram. Elisha had the king of Israel’s ear and would then warn him of what was to come. Pretty cool huh?!

So apparently this makes the king of Aram pretty upset and when he discovers that Elisha is behind these leaks of information, he sends out this whole army that surrounds the city where Elisha is. Can we say worst case scenario?!

Now if it had been me, I would have been spinning like crazy with all the coulda/woulda/shoulda’s. But not Elisha. He had been in constant communication with God. And I have to believe that he trusted that God’s plan for him was good.  Elisha’s servant wakes up and sees the city surrounded and freaks out and guess what Elisha does?

He prays that God would open the servant’s eyes so that he might see.

And what does he see? As he looks out across the mountainside the servant sees it filled with horses and chariots of fire. A heavenly army protecting God’s faithful servant Elisha.

Can you imagine what that would have felt like?!

Reading this chapter caused me to pause and ask myself what areas in my life do I need to ask God to open my eyes so that I can see more clearly? Maybe it is a struggle with a wayward child, or a difficult marriage, a job decision or a health matter. Maybe if we asked God to open our eyes we would not only see the situation more clearly, but we would be reminded that we are not alone in the battle. 

The enemy wants us to be stuck in the worst case scenario thoughts. He wants us to feel defeated and alone. But through prayer we can ask God to reveal the truth of our situation. That we would see how God is fighting for us, and be reminded that we are not entering the battlefield alone.

Romans 8: 15-17 says this “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” ¹⁶ The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, ¹⁷ and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.”

We are accepted heirs of God. Our identity is found in Him and because of Him we can walk in freedom. If you are burdened by fears today, like I so often have been, would you pray that God would open your eyes to the truth?

Lord, we come today and place our fears at Your feet. We ask Lord that You would open our eyes to Your truth. Remembering that You formed us, and have already seen our entire life set before you. We trust in the plans that You have for us Lord. We are broken but we are trusting You to take those broken, fear-filled pieces and make us whole for Your glory. Thank you Lord that we don’t have to journey alone. In Jesus Name, Amen.